


Too late

by Lilyfloral



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gay Character, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, M/M, My First Fanfic, No Fluff, Out of Character, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-28 17:43:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19399174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilyfloral/pseuds/Lilyfloral
Summary: "You're my best friend Stan! I'd die for you, you know that"He knows that, they'd been friends before they could walk, since kindergarten, they were now freshman in high school. 11 years.It was painful. He was going to die. The flowers were going to suffocate him. His friend said he'd die for him. If only he knew he was the one killing him.ORStan has a giant crush on Kyle who's dating Heidi and is dying from the Hanaki disease and Kyle's oblivious.





	Too late

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I said I'd never write fanfiction, only read it but things change I guess. 
> 
> I love the idea of Hanaki and I also love Style and gay Stan so here we are. 
> 
> I apologize in advance this isn't a happy story with a happy ending, it's pretty much pure angst.
> 
> This is also my first fanfiction I'm sorry if I fuck up I'm just throwing caution to the wind.

He knew he was gay in ninth grade. It was when he was still in relationship with Wendy. They were at her house when her parents were out for the night and wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning. 

They'd been together since six years, and that was when Wendy decided she wanted to go for it. He was nervous, his vomiting habit was long gone, he assumed this was because he had gotten used to kissing her. 

That didn't stop his nerves, he knew this day would come, and he should be excited right? She was his true love, they would get married and have a family together..she was his soulmate.. right? 

Wrong. 

She was excited..he wasn't, it didn't feel right. He wasn't comfortable with it. That's when he realized he would never be comfortable with it. His relationship with Wendy wasn't always..stable per say. They fought lots for a couple and kissing her always felt,, off. 

As soon as she wanted to have sex with him, he knew why. He wasn't attracted to her in that way, or girls in general. He was gay, he liked boys, he wanted a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. 

He was always an emotional person. He may have liked Wendy back in fourth grade, but as he got older it just didn't feel right. He pushed the feeling away because you're supposed to like girls..it was normal and he was scared. He just assumed the feeling was nothing and it would go away. 

It didn't go away. 

As soon as Wendy mentioned it, it hit him like a bag full of bricks and he tensed up, he didn't want to have sex with her. No, he didn't want to have sex with a girl. 

This didn't go unnoticed by her and she asked what was wrong and he started crying. 

Being the kinda hearted person she was, she immediately went and hugged him, asking what she'd done wrong and if her bringing up having sex had made him uncomfortable. 

He felt bad about it so her finally said if wasn't her and of course she was confused and asked what the matter was. That's when he couldn't hold it in anymore and blurted out,

"Wendy! I'm gay!" 

She'd stoped hugging him at this point and was starting at his tear stained glassy eyes in shock. 

He felt horrible and was still and blubbering mess, she'd closed her eyes and a small smile was on her lips surprising him. 

After a moment of silence she opened them and told him that 'I always had a feeling' 

That..wasn't what he was expecting he though she would leave, hit him, yell at him on something else..not that. 

He'd stoped crying at this point and looked at her and asked in a quiet voice 'what' 

She smiled and went into a deep talk about how he acted when they were together, and how he'd often look at other boys with a longing look in his eye and often starting at his best friend, Kyle. 

He'd blushed at her last statement and smiled. He has no idea, she was so understanding..it felt like a weight had been lifted on his shoulders. 

After that they had a nice understanding breakup, and promised to remain good friends. Just had he was about to leave, she asked him how he felt about Kyle. 

He should've known. So her slipped the bomb and told her he had a crush on him. 

Of course she wasn't suprised, she told him he should tell him how he feels, but he'd refused. He couldn't, Kyle was straight.

After he left, the next morning, his last day of ninth grade that his suspicions were confirmed. Kyle wasn't at the bus stop, instead he meet him at school that morning, Kyle looked super happy. Then he dropped the bomb on him. 

He was dating Heidi Turner. 

He knew Kyle was straight, but that didn't make it hurt any less. So he put on a fake smile, congratulated them and ran to the bathroom and cried. 

That's went it all began. His throat begin to burn and he threw up a green flower petal. 

\- 3 months later, 2nd week of freshman year -

He couldn't breathe. There were so many petals, so much blood. He'd excused himself in the middle of class for the fourth time..to throw up more petals. 

He was now a high school freshman, sixteen years old. I'd officially been 3 months since he'd gotten the Hanaki disease. 

He learned that over the summer. After Kyle and Heidi announced they were dating, and after the first petal. Every time he though of his best friend, his chest hurt and he's puke more petals. 

He learned he had Hanaki. A disease. An illness born from unrequited love. His lungs were filled up with flowers. His one-sided love for his super best friend. 

There was only two ways to cure with disease without dying. Kyle returns his feelings. Or he could get surgery, but that was out of the question, because it would remove his feelings for Kyle. He wouldn't do that, he couldn't. 

So he was fucked. The flowers were going to squeeze his lungs and suffocate him. He was going to die.

His eye filled up with tears as he coughed more petals. He didn't want to die, he wanted to finish high school, go to school and become a vet and work with animals all his life. 

Fate with a fucking bitch. 

That wasn't going to happen, his illness had gotten worse..he though about Kyle almost constantly now. His lime green eyes..his beautiful curly red hair..kissing him, holding his hand.. he could be his husband one day.. adopting a kid, living together...

"Hurk!" 

Bad thoughts. He felt his throat constrict up and thew up more petals. 5 or 10 at a time. 

He couldn't go on much longer. It was to much. He was going to die alone and unloved.

He couldn't do a damn thing about it. 

Swallowing down the tears, he placed his hand against the bathroom wall, and shakily stood up and walked out of the stall. Luckily the bathroom was empty, so he spared a look at himself in the mirror. 

He looked horrible. 

His black hair was wet from sweating so much, it was messy. He was very skinny from throwing up and not being able to keep any food down. He had dark bags under his eyes from not sleeping. Getting up and throwing up petals in the night. 

Slowly, he put on his red hat to cover up his hair, opening his bag to find the mascara to cover up the bags around his eyes. 

Once finishing up, he flung his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the bathroom to the lunchroom. 

Putting in headphones and ignoring the glares from other student he shuffled to the cafeteria to meet up with Kenny and Butters. 

As Kyle was probably sitting with Heidi, or took her out for lunch or something. 

Nope, bad idea thinking or Kyle make him sick to his stomach. He forced it down and spotted Kenny and Butters sitting at a table beside each other, holding hands as Craig and Tweek say on the opposite side of them, Tweeks head resting on Craig's shoulder. 

They'd somehow managed to befriend Craig and Tweek. How? He had no idea. Cartman had moved outta South Park over summer as his mom found a boyfriend in a different city. Maybe that was part of the reason. 

As for Kenny and Butters, they started dating over the summer, how it happened? No one really knows. It's kinda odd with Kenny's dirty mind, and Butters pure innocent one, but at least they're happy. 

I noticed Kenny saying something and waving me over, I couldn't hear him because of my headphones so I took them out, shoved them in my pocket and walked over to the table. 

"You took long enough, what the hell happened, jerking off in the bathroom?" Kenny asked with a cheeky smile. 

Not having the energy to say anything I just popped onto the bench beside him, put my head on the table and stuck up my middle finger at him, not answering him.

"Um, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while, but Stanny boy, are you okay? You look like shit"

I left out a quiet sigh, lifted my head off the table to look at him, and muttered our a weak "I'm fine"

That's when he left go of Butters hand and placed it on my shoulder instead. "No, stop that 'i'm fine' bullshit you look like you're about to drop dead this second" 

Flinching, I very well knew it could be sooner then that I was about to reply back when Butters spoke up 

"U-um y'know Stan, Kenny's right you really don't look that great, plus you quit playing football all of a sudden, a-and you leave class a lot..they can't all be bathroom breaks" he finished knocking this knuckles together in a nervous fashion. 

"Yeah" Craig spoke up in his monotone voice. "You quit football all of a sudden and it's kinda bad without your ass to kick" 

Frowing I glared at him, but there was no sign of anger, he actually looked..concerned? 

"We're all worried about you Stan" Tweek added in while sipping on his coffee. "You can talk to us" 

"I-" 

Before being able to say anything their was laughing coming from the entrance of the cafeteria and I immediately tensed up, knowing the owner of that voice. 

I looked over and saw Kyle and Heidi walking into the cafeteria holding hands, smiling at each other. 

Immediately I turned away from them trying to decide if I should book it and go puke flower petals somewhere else. 

But before I could I hear Kyle's voice call out "Oh! Yeah guys, I'm coming wait for me!" 

I started to sit up ready to run when Kenny put his hand on my shoulder and fixed me with a concerned look.

I felt guilty. He deserved to know, he didn't do anything wrong. 

I opened my mouth to say something when I felt a hand on my back as Kyle slid into the bench beside me.

"Stan! I haven't seen you forever how's it going?" He asked green eyes shining. 

I cringed internally 'oh, you know amazing. I haven't seen you because you're always with your stupid girlfriend and you're killing me and don't realize it and I could drop dead any second' 

Instead, I looked at his smiling face with his bright green eyes, red curls covered by his hat, beautiful lips I wish I could just-

Before I could answer my throat burned, I shot my hand over my mouth, jumped out of my spot and booked it out of the cafeteria as fast as my legs could carry me ignoring the panicked cries of my name and the concerned stares of the other students. 

Back at the table everyone was in shock, including Kyle and Heidi. 

"W-what just happened.." Kyle asked green eyes wide 

Butters answered with a quiet 'I don't know' 

But Kenny stood up with knitted eyebrows and started walking out of the cafeteria. He had thoughts of what was up

"Kenny!" Kyle cried of grabbing onto my arm, "where are you going??" 

Glaring at him accusing, I yanked my arm away from him "you don't fucking get, it do you? You're to busy wrapped up with your slut of a girlfriend to notice your so-called super best friend is fucking dying! You son of a bitch!" 

The sound of a fist connecting with something echoed throughout the cafeteria followed by silence. 

Everyone started in shock at the source, on the floor was Kyle was a bruise on his cheek, Heidi right by his side and Kenny glaring at him with his fist raced. 

Not waiting for anything else, he ran out of the cafeteria with Butters following him, to where he knew Stan would be. 

What Stan didn't know is that Kenny was aware Stan was suffering from Hanaki, but didn't say anything as he didn't wanna scared him since the other boy would likely avoid him If he knew.

He knew because one day him and Butters had gone to Stan's to see if he wanted to hang out. However, their was no answer so him and Butters climbed up a tree to Stan's window to his bedroom. 

Upon entering it was empty. He should've just left but Stan had been stange these past few days so he needed to investigate. And upon entering the bathroom he was meet with blood and flowers petals in the trashcan. That's when he realized what was wrong with Stan. 

That was during summer. If he'd had it since then, maybe sooner he could be dead any second. 

God dammit he should've said or done something sooner, he could've forced Stan to get the surgery but because he didn't his friend could be fucking dead. 

He needed to find him.

~

His lungs hurt, Hus legs hurt, everything hurt but he needed to leave. 

After running for what felt like forever, he found the place he was looking for. Starks pond. 

He collapsed onto the bench vomiting up to 20 petals at a time. This was it, he couldn't breathe, he was hyperventilation. 

He hoped it would've come later, but it was too late for him. 

At least he would die peaceful, alone. In a place with both good and bad memories. 

This was after he tired to kill himself from his depression. This was were Kyle said those words to him 

"You're my best friend Stan! I'd die for you, you know that!" 

He remembers his glossy tear stained cheeks, he really cared for him, huh. 

It's kinda ironic

The person who said he'd die for him, was the one who was going to kill him. 

Coughing up more petals, he closed his eyes and reflected on his life, everything he'd done. 

He remembers his relationship with Wendy, coming to terms with being gay, liking boys. Everyone had been so supportive, his parents, his friends, Kyle. 

He'd lost his virginity to Kenny of all people, they were at a party and both drunk. 

Luckily Kenny's a pretty chill guy, and it worked out fine, Kenny offered a relationship between them, but he'd declined and said he already had a crush on someone. He expected Kenny to be mad, but he wasn't instead he smiled and said 

"Welp, it was worth a try, glad you had a good time Stanny it's always nice to have a stasifed customer" he said as he winked and walked away. 

He laughed weakly, only Kenny would say something like that. 

More petals, more blood. 

Or his friendship with Wendy, she was an amazing friend. They hung out, and had lots of fun together. She helped him study time and time again. 

"Stan! It's not that hard c'mon!" 

"Yes it is! Fuck math, 'find x'" he threw his hands in the air and pointed at her. "I already did! She's right there!"

Wendy started at him dumbfounded for a few seconds before bursting into laughter 

"Th-that's not even funny" she wheezed looking at her ex boyfriend who was also laughing 

"Clearly it was if your laughing!" He accused still laughing and pointing at her 

"O-oh my fucking god. You're worse than Bebe" 

At the mention of her girlfriend he gasped and placed a hand on his chest in false mockery "I am not!'

After they'd broken up and made the change from boyfriend and girlfriend to best friends, Wendy came out and said she was bisexual, she'd always been, and was dating her best friend, Bebe. 

Bebe was infamous for making bad puns and making Wendy laugh, she's often tell him about them. They were a cute couple 

"Yes" Wendy said wiping a few tears out of her eyes "yes you are" 

He smiled at the memory, he'd miss her. And of course his odd not really rivialy with Craig. 

"Fuck you Tucker! How'd you even get accepted into the football team! You suck ass, can't even catch a football"

The other boy glared at him and opted to raise his middle finger in his direction instead. "Maybe if you didn't throw like a pussy I'd be able to, if anything you suck, quarterback my ass" 

"Omg fuck you!" The other boy yelled at him before tacking him to the ground on the football field, getting into a fist fight 

"Jesus Christ Marsh, you even punch like a girl" Craig commented as dodged almost every punch Stan threw at him.

Eventually, Craig pinned both of Stan's arms down, and threw him off his chest, causing the other boy to land into the field with a loud thud. 

Stan didn't brother getting up, instead laying on his back watching as Craig loomed over him smirking as he offered the other boy his hand. 

Stan sighed as his took Craig's stand and the taller boy pulled him up. 

"Well" Craig commented "This'll be an interesting time"

"Yeah" Stan snored, "Interesting is the right word"

He smiled at the memory, he and Craig had an interesting relationship, but he wouldn't change it from the world. 

Eventually it was too much to handle. He lost his balance, fell off the bench and collapsed into the grass in front of the pond, surround by blood and green flower petals.

'this is it' he though, their were so many other things he wanted to remember or do with his life, but this was the end. 

"STAN!" 

He was going to die. 

"STANNN!!" 

From the love towards his super best friend who didn't feel like same way 

"STANLEY MARSH! OPEN YOU EYES!" 

how pathetic.. 

"PLEASE!" 

everything went black 

An ear splitting scream echoed throughout the outdoors

"NOOOOOOI!!!" 

~ 

\- 1 month later -

"We are gather here today because of the passing of Stanley Marsh. A loving son, student and friend" 

It was raining. 

Dark clouds were gathered in the sky.

They reflected the mood of that evening. 

Everyone in town was there. Father maxi was standing in front of Stan's grave, reading of a piece of paper. 

Sharon was sobbing into her husband's arms, she didn't pick up on the signs and hated herself for it. Even Shelly was there with tears in her eye. Sure, her brother was an annoying little shit bitch but she didn't want him to die. 

Tweek was a mess in Craig's arms, even Craig was upset. He threw insults at Stan, but they were just joking, he loved the guy. 

Both Wendy and Bebe were crying into each other, Wendy especially hard. Stan was her best friend, she loved him. All the times they spend joking around, he adored him and his personality. She didn't pick up on anything, how could she be so stupid?!

Butter was a mess, of course he was, he always had trouble with death, he had a soft heart. He was sitting in front of Stan's gravestone with a bouquet of flowers crying. 

Kenny was behind him, his heart breaking from both Butters and himself. 

He blamed himself. 

Of course he did, he KNEW Stan was suffering from Hanaki, but he didn't fucking do anything about it! He was too late! IT WAS HIS FAULT! 

Frustrated he pounced his first on the church nearby the graveyard. God dammit. 

Deep down he knew it wasn't him fault..it was his..

Kyle was standing off to the side away from everyone else. He was alone, he'd asked Heidi to leave him alone for now. His eye were also filled with tears. 

Feeling annoyed for him, Kenny knew deep down it wasn't Kyle's fault. Even if it was. 

He had to give it to him.

He slowly approached the other boy, while keeping an eye on Butters he'd comfort his boyfriend after dealing with Kyle. 

Kyle immediately tensed upon seeing Kenny. "Are..you here to punch me again?" He asked 

The blonde boy shook his head and instead handed Kyle a letter addressed to him. "Before you ask I haven't read it yet, Stan wrote it, it's addressed to you. I don't know when he wrote it.. probably when he realized that he didn't have much time left" 

Without waiting for the other boys response he gave Kyle the letter, walked away to go comfort Butters. 

Once Kenny was gone, the green-eyed boy forced down the lump in his throat, opened the letter and started to read it. 

• Kyle 

I honestly don't know if anyone's going to see this. I'm definitely not going to outright give it to you. 

I have a crush on you, no I'm in love with you. Ever since I realized I was gay, no, I probably always had one on you. I love everything about you, your green eyes, you firey personality, of course your curly red hair, you hate it but I love it. It's always so soft. 

I'm not telling you, I can't. I know you're straight, I know your happy with Heidi, I can't ruin that. I can't. No matter how much it hurts. 

I'm writing this as a goodbye kinda letter. No, I'm not going to kill myself.. I wouldn't, I'd go to you and Heidi's wedding and eat my feelings for you until they don't exist anymore. 

No. I have Hanaki. 

It's a illness born from unrequited love, since you don't love me back, this disease will kill me. 

I won't go into details, you've probably heard of it, you're smart (nerd :^) 

But, eventually these flower with wrap around my lungs  
suffocating me. I could get rid of them by getting the surgery, but I can't do that. You're my super best friend/crush I want you to marry me. I want you to be my husband. I want to live with you, adopt a bunch of dogs, maybe have a kid. 

I can't get rid of those feelings. I fucking love you so much, even if it kills me, I won't do it. 

So, if you see this, don't feel guilty. Build a life with Heidi and be happy, you deserve it. You're my best friend in the whole wide world. All the adventures made everything worth it. 

I never hated you. I never stopped loving you. After I die, don't be too sad and grieve, move on you deserve to be happy. 

Just, don't forget me. 

you super best friend for now and forever

~ Stanley Marsh 

By the time Kyle finished the letter, it was late. Everyone had left and the rain was pouring, the letter was soaking wet. 

He didn't care. He was crying hard. 

This was all his fault. 

Stan was dead because of him. 

He ran up to his grave, letter in his hand and looked up into the sky and screamed 

"GOD DAMMIT STAN! I WON'T WANT A FAMILY WITH HEIDI! I WANT ONE WITH YOU! I SHOULD'VE TOLD ME! I'M FUCKING BISEXUAL! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!!" 

Falling to his knees, looking at the gravestone as tear after tear dripped into the stone rock.

"Y-you should've told me..we could've fixed this..I could be your husband we could've adopted dog after dog..maybe even a child"

Looking into the heavens with his tear stained face he mummered "I won't be happy with anyone else..you should've just told me you dumbass we could've fixed this.."

But it was too late.

It couldn't be fixed. 

His best friend was dead. 

And it was his fault. 

No one else's. 

Only his. 

It was too fucking late.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I love Style so much my boys deserve to be happy I made myself cry with writing this. 
> 
> I hope it wasn't too horrible it's my first fanfiction and I'm very nervous..
> 
> Also if I don't reply to your comment don't take it personally, I have horrible crippling anxiety and it makes me nervous I'm sure you're a super nice person:)) 
> 
> Also some notes 
> 
> • I'm my own beta reader, please excuse any spelling mistakes. 
> 
> ~
> 
> • Also, before Stan died, you'll never know who was calling his name, if it was 1 or more people, use your imagination. 
> 
> • Also in his flashbacks with Wendy and Craig. He had Hanaki. It just wasn't a problem because he wasn't thinking about Kyle 
> 
> • Stan found out he was gay the second last day of grade 9 
> 
> • he got Hanaki the last day of grade 9 after finding out Kyle and Heidi were dating 
> 
> ~
> 
> Once again I'm so sorry I love Style, writing this hurt I hope you enjoyed nonetheless and have a wonderful day! ^_^


End file.
